Alfonso, 39
Alien From Outer Space
Nerd. Geographically undesirable. Vegan. Spends most Friday nights working on his vintage spacecraft. Expert in anal probing without the subject even having a memory of the procedure.
Joe, 54
AKA Jabba The Hut
Fat and gaining. Has eaten all of Dallas and is about to devour Fort Worth. Likes all kinds of music. Watches TV.
Frank, 20
The Modern Hippie
Computer programmer in the financial sector. Actually attractive, but works hard to make himself appear less attractive. May decide to change his name and/or gender in the future.
Angelo, 23
The Devil
Most likely unemployed. Looks like an angel, but is actually Satan’s spawn. Gold digger, party favor, and spreader of social disease. Has a closet full of designer wear “borrowed” from ex-room mates.
Gabe, 56
Back From The Grave Once Again
56 84 years young. Living the retired life in a camper — chasing summer. Not looking to support anyone, but wants companionship on his travels. Been dead below the belt for the past 20 years.
Josh, 18
Ghetto Fabulous
Works at a M-A-C Cosmetics counter. Looking for a daddy.
Sam, 47
Girl, what is up with that hair?
Postal worker. Likes karaoke.
AJ, Age Unknown
The Headless, Shirtless Wonder
Cheating on his boyfriend/partner/husband. Won’t touch a carb to save his life. Personality like a wet dishrag, except when he’s on a drug and sex bender at Southern Decadence in New Orleans.